Same Conditions, Different Scenes
There were once two families living in similar circumstances. The number of family members, their means, and even their ages were much alike, yet the atmosphere in the two homes could not have been more different. In one, laughter always carried over the garden wall. In the other, hearts clashed over the smallest matters and the quarreling never ceased.
The man who had long suffered from the discord in his home finally went to the head of the neighboring household and asked, “Our circumstances are much the same. How is it that your family is always so harmonious? What on earth is your secret?”
The neighbor smiled and offered a suggestion. “When you go home today, gather your family and tell them you would like to put the sheep from the pen up on the roof. Then you will understand the secret.”
An Uproar at Home
Half in doubt, the man returned home and at once called his family together. Then he announced in a loud voice, “We need to put one of the sheep from the pen up on our roof, right now!”
The house was instantly in chaos. His wife clicked her tongue. “Are you making fun of a busy person? Have you lost your mind?” The children were dumbfounded. “Father seems to be under a lot of stress lately. Shouldn’t we take him to a hospital?” Off to one side, someone simply kept staring at a phone, paying no attention at all to what the father had said. With a single remark from the man, the whole family poured out criticism, indifference, and complaints, and the home was left in an even worse state.
Let’s Put a Sheep on the Roof
Feeling wronged and frustrated, the man went back to his neighbor’s house and shouted, “I did as you told me, and my house was thrown into turmoil! You gave me such an absurd instruction that my family is treating me like a madman!”
The neighbor, still only smiling, made no reply. Instead, he called his own family together and, before the man’s eyes, made the very same suggestion. “How about we put one of the sheep from the pen up on our roof?”
The response of that family was entirely different. Not one of them objected or looked puzzled, asking, “Why put a sheep on the roof?” Trusting deeply that “he must surely have a reason,” they looked at one another and began putting their heads together. “What if we bring a ladder?” “Wouldn’t it be safer if we all pulled together with a rope?” His wife and children alike threw themselves wholeheartedly into the task, joyfully searching for a way to accomplish what the head of the family wished.
The man, who had been watching blankly, was at last struck by a deep realization, and he lowered his head.
“Psychological Safety,” Created by Listening and Acceptance
Research in modern psychology and management confirms the same principle. Professor Amy Edmondson of Harvard Business School emphasizes that members feel the greatest happiness and achieve high performance when “psychological safety” is established within a group. Google, too, through what is known as Project Aristotle, an initiative undertaken to uncover the secret of high-performing teams, found that the single most decisive factor in building a successful organization is psychological safety.
In a community with a high degree of psychological safety, there is a conviction that one will not be ignored or criticized even for voicing ideas or words that are somewhat far-fetched or unrealistic. In an environment where even a seemingly odd remark is first listened to and treated with consideration, people at last feel a strong sense of relief and gain a voluntary will to solve problems together. Conversely, in an environment where others’ words are immediately evaluated and faulted, members close their hearts and grow wary of one another.
In the end, the secret of a harmonious family did not lie in identical words or conditions. What mattered was not the situation of “putting a sheep on the roof,” but the “deep trust and receptivity to one another’s words” that ordinarily flowed among the family members. Before judging and weighing the other person’s intention, they trusted the sincerity within it and brought their hearts together. That attitude was the real power that made that home warm.
Harmony and peace in the family do not come about suddenly from grand pledges or great resolutions. It is the small acts of listening to one another in daily life, the keeping of seemingly trivial promises, and the concrete practice of consideration for others, accumulating day by day, that gradually make relationships deep and strong.
A Family of Faith Built Before Heaven
Our life of faith, lived attending Heavenly Parent, resembles this as well.
In the course of life, there are times when the path set before us or a task from Heaven cannot be understood right away and feels daunting. If at such times we judge only by our own experience and common sense and rush to a conclusion, regret lingers in a corner of our hearts, and a small distance easily arises among members.
By contrast, grace and peace dwell in a community where, even in moments that are hard to understand, people listen to one another and share the question, “How can we fulfill this path beautifully together?” Listening to one another’s small voices, trusting in Heaven’s good Will, and gathering wisdom and practice with open hearts: this attitude is the key that leads to true harmony.
In our journey of faith, too, unexpected moments like “putting a sheep on the roof” may come. Yet when we take one another’s hands and seek the answer together through the warm listening and practice of faith we have built up in daily life, the place where we stand will be reborn as a family of Heaven, harmonious and full of grace beyond measure.
